“Don’t get married. You are an “ALPHA” in the head!” – Advice that I received from one of my mentors. A casual statement that got me thinking – “What the heck does that mean?”
“I already had some problems sustaining or getting into relationships. Does being an “Alpha” have anything to do with that?”
I had often heard “ALPHA” relating to animals and mainly the leader of the pack. Someone who is too dominant and has achieved the status by challenging the others and fending for themselves. Only when you have proved your capabilities and power can others see your supremacy and choose to accept you as a leader.
So how does this apply to humans? What is the first thing that comes to your mind – when I say “ALPHA”? Most probably, a MALE who has achieved something or is an iconic figure in society. How many times have you conjured up an image of a female? Very few. Also, the image that you conjure up is probably a male who is brimming with confidence and has access to a lot of power and money. Also, uncanny oozing of testosterone, making them attractive to females. Females like bad men, don’t they?
On the other end, if we talk about the female alpha most of the time, she would be considered unapproachable, have many attitudes, and even consider egoistic.
Let’s now try and understand what I have understood and why this difference. Being an Indian, I can talk about this from an Indian perspective, though I am pretty much sure that most of it apply everywhere also.
In our society, we are trained from childhood to accept that the male members of the family are the bread-earners and they are KINGS for the house or if I have to say, the ALPHAs of the house. So what makes them ALPHAs is –
- They are allowed to do whatever they want.
- They are always supported, no matter right or wrong.
- Even things go wrong; they are not accused or held responsible.
- Their actions and choices are never questioned.
So, no matter what he does, he is the KING. What does this result? A lot of SELF-CONFIDENCE. So if I have to see the ALPHA MENTALITY is instilled in their minds unintentionally at a very early age. Hence it’s not even surprising when males dominate most of the top positions across the world. Males in our society grow up, believing that they are INVINCIBLE.
Now let’s look at the females on the other hand. Most of the time, the way females are brought up is precisely the opposite of males and add to that, the females have the primary task of giving birth and taking care of the child(ren). Females in India are brought up with the mentality that they are never to question a men’s authority or give it back to him, even in the form of a joke. Even right at a young age, females are trained never to question the fathers or the brothers or any male of the house. Whatever they tell you has to be followed till the “T,” without any retort.
We are taught that we will need to quit our jobs and take on household activities and bring up the children. We even see our mothers and not the fathers being blamed in case of any “inappropriate” behavior. It is considered a mother’s job to bring up the children to be well-mannered and presentable.
Right from the clothes we wear to the decisions we make, everything about a female’s choices is questioned. Even in rape, it is always the female who is blamed and treated as if she has committed a crime.
What does it tell us? Right from birth, the female is taught to be submissive—most of the time from the older females in the family and then by society. The outcome? Females LACK SELF-CONFIDENCE – the critical ingredient that is responsible for the ALPHA MENTALITY. And most of the time, you will often find females pulling other females down. Like they say,
When people can’t rise to your level, they will pull you down to theirs; so that they can win.
And this is what happens; you are always judged and criticized all the time. And the worst at times, even abandoned by your friends and family.
Humans are said to be social beings, and the fear of not being accepted by society stops us from reaching our maximum potentials. We want to be continuously liked by the people around us, which forces us to do what others, please. So the ALPHA FEMALE is now suppressed till that quality no longer exists in her. Instead, she has now succumbed to the way that society wants her to behave.
So do alpha females exist? YES. There are always exceptions to every case. Some families don’t consider females need to be brought up any less than males and are brought up in the same way as the other males in the family. Other than that, there are specific scenarios where a female faces a difficult situation and succeeds all by herself, and understands what SELF-CONFIDENCE is. When she repeatedly undergoes this process of taking on something and achieving success, her level of self-confidence changes, and the ALPHA MENTALITY starts to get taught.
SELF CONFIDENCE AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL = ALPHA
Once a female understands her worth, she becomes an ALPHA.
Simple? However, this is not where her battles end. Not all males can handle an ALPHA FEMALE. And often, you will find that ALPHA FEMALES have difficulties getting into or sustaining relationships. Once again, society begins to nag that you need to get MARRIED and SETTLED. So the alpha female is again made to submit and give in to the demands of society. There are very few females that manage to break out and STAY ALPHA.
Let’s end this by saying YES. I AM AN ALPHA FEMALE and a PROUD ONE. Was I an alpha from birth? No. I wasn’t. Like every other female, I was submissive and a complete people pleaser. I never knew that a word called “self-confidence” even existed.
How did I change? It sometimes takes a storm for us to realize our worth and a storm is what it took.
- I learned the meaning of self-confidence.
- I love trying new things, and learning is a way of life.
- Many small wins made me realize my capabilities.
- I took the onus for all my decisions.
- I learned and practiced self-worth.
In short, to say today when I sit across the table, I know what I bring to the table. I am proud of myself.
So, finally, if you connect with this and feel that you are an ALPHA too –
BE PROUD! STAY ALPHA!
About the author
I am Sheetal Makhija aka Crazy Pulchritude, as most of the handles say. Currently, a trainer and a Kriya Yoga Practitioner and personally on a mission to be able to add values to people’s lives and just tell everyone out there that “No matter how hard it gets there is always hope. You don’t have to give up.” My mission and motto in life remain – Even if I can give hope to people, my life has been a success.
9 Ways To Get Rid Of Hickey Fast: Hacks That Will Actually Work
A hickey is a mark on your skin that is dark red or purple and is the result of strong suction. It should go away in approximately two weeks, much as other bruises. Because of its ease of access, the neck is a typical location for hickeys, but they can occur elsewhere.
Little blood vessels beneath the skin are ruptured as your spouse bites and suck on you. Petechiae are little blood spots that are released when blood vessels break.
These blood spots aggregate to create a more significant black mark that resembles a bruise. Over time, the bruise’s color could shift from red or dark purple to yellow.
Your neck is clear after sharing a private moment with your partner for one minute. The following time, there is a large, rounded, purple mark on it. Hickeys or love bite marks are caused by broken small blood vessels under the skin, which leave a visible bruise.
How long does it take for hickey removal?
From two days to two weeks can pass while a hickey. In order to disguise one, you can spend a lot of time wearing turtlenecks or touching up the area with concealer. There are, however, a few methods for accelerating the healing process. These ten methods may speed up the healing process by a few days, but nothing will make a hiccup go in a matter of minutes.
How to remove hickey?
Here are a few hacks that can help you to hide your love bite marks on your neck:
1. An ice compress
The swelling of a fresh bruise might be reduced with the use of a cold compress. The blood’s flow from the vessel into the skin is slowed down by the cooler temperature. Additionally, you may make use of an ice pack, a cold-water-dampened rag, or even a cooled spoon. Whatever method you choose, for the first two days, repeatedly apply the compress for 10 minutes to the hickey.
2. A hot compress
It’s time to apply heat after using a cold compress for two days. You can improve circulation in the injured area by using a warm compress. This can hasten the hickey’s eventual fading. Apply a warm compress for 10 minutes many times a day beginning on day three.
3. Massaging the area
Massages have a reputation for reducing pain and promoting blood flow. For a few minutes each day, gently rub or massage your hickey to hasten the process of healing. It’s important to use a delicate touch because exerting too much pressure could exacerbate the bruise.
4. Massage with peppermint essential oil
The use of peppermint essential oil can aid in promoting localized blood flow. This might lessen the extent and size of your hickey.
Use pure essential oil rather than the extract that is typically used in cooking. Use diluted essential oils at all times. Every 1 to 2 drops of essential oil should be accompanied by roughly 12 drops of carrier oil, such as coconut or olive oil.
5. Use vitamin C topical
Your skin needs vitamin C to be supple and healthy. It may increase the collagen production in your skin and has excellent antioxidant effects. Vitamin C may even strengthen the skin tissue surrounding your blood vessels, which might aid in the recovery of your hickey.
Every day, massage the afflicted region with a lotion that contains vitamin C. It might also be advantageous to consume more citrus and plant-based foods.
6. Coconut oil on
With good reason, many skin care regimens include cocoa butter, a fat made from cocoa beans. Scars, stretch marks, wrinkles, and other skin blemishes have all been demonstrated to be reduced by cocoa butter. Its abundance in fatty acids and phytochemicals, which are thought to nourish skin, increase suppleness, and reduce the ageing process, is the reason behind this.
7. Use aloe vera
The anti-inflammatory qualities of the aloe vera plant can help lessen skin pain and swelling. Apply a thin layer of aloe vera gel or lotion to the bruise at least twice daily to treat a hickey.
Love Bites need time to heal naturally, just like bruises and other minor wounds. Usually, this procedure takes a week or two. There are a few things you may do to speed up the healing process of your hickey in the interim. Consider hiding your hickey with clothing or makeup if you’re worried about how it will seem while it heals. Keep in mind that when the hickey heals, its colour will progressively decrease as well.
About the author
Charlotte is a health, beauty and wellness blogger and a mother of two, who lives between India and London
7 things you definitely didn’t know about love bites
Giving your lover a hickey in the middle of a hot make-out session can feel great and also designate them as “yours” in a humorous way. But how exactly do you give someone a hickey, and what is the best method? We’ll go over everything you need to know about hickeys, including how to recognize them, how to treat them, and how to become a hickey expert.
What are love bites?
A love bite, also known as a hickey, is a brief red mark formed by someone sucking on or biting the skin while kissing or engaging in other sexual activity.
What causes hickey?
The pressure from your spouse sucking on and biting your skin bursts small blood vessels beneath the surface. Petechiae are microscopic blood spots that form when blood vessels break. A bruise is formed when a group of these blood spots joins together to produce a larger dark patch.
What does the hickey look like?
A hickey is a dark red or purple mark on your skin that occurs as a result of excessive suction. It should fade in approximately 2 weeks, just like other bruises. Because of its ease of access, the neck is a typical place for hickeys, but they can occur everywhere.
How to give love bites?
- Tension should be built up. Don’t just go in for the hickey by diving right into your partner’s neck. Spend some time kissing and French kissing your spouse before moving your lips to their throat. Begin with soft kisses around the throat and collarbone, then progress to stronger and more forceful kisses. You can certainly continue to provide a hickey if your spouse seems to love it, but you should always check in with them first.
- If you’ve avoided asking for permission because “hickey” isn’t the sexiest word to whisper into someone’s ear, you should now express that you’d like to leave a mark on your partner’s skin and see how they react.
- Hickeys can be used on every skin type and any part of the body. They are most commonly observed around the neck. The skin in the crook of your elbow or on the inside of your thigh, on the other hand, is also enjoyable.
- If you know your partner will be humiliated by a noticeable hickey, don’t put it in the center of the throat where everyone can see it; instead, ask them where they feel most at ease.
- In case, your partner has long hair, go to the side or rear of the neck, or go to the collarbones, closer to the shoulder, so the skin is covered by a typical crew-neck T-shirt.
- Place your lips on the skin with a tiny parting between them. Imagine making the letter “O” with your lips, then pressing them firmly against your partner’s skin to form a good seal without allowing air to escape. Instead of going into a harsh pucker, try to keep your mouth soft and inviting as you do so.
- Grasp the skin. The trick is to suck hard enough to break the capillaries just beneath the skin while not causing too much discomfort to your companion. To leave a mark, you’ll need to suck for 20 to 30 seconds. Keep your teeth out of the way at all times. You don’t want them to pierce your partner’s skin unpleasantly. If your partner prefers, teeth can be used lightly to enhance the pleasure of the experience.
- It’s time to put an end to the sucking. If 30 seconds of hickey-making is too much for you, try 10 seconds of kissing, followed by another 10 seconds in the same location, and so on.
- Wait for the visible hickey to appear after a few minutes. You won’t be able to notice the hickey right away, just as when you acquire a bruise. After 5 or 10 minutes, it should appear, ranging in color from light pink to dark purple.
7 facts about hickey
- There is no quick fix for hickeys.
Apart from placing some ice on it, there isn’t much you can do to help it go away quickly. Your only option is to hide under scarves and collars.
- Love bites are common in those who are iron deficient.
If your skin goes black and blue after doing something, you may be deficient in iron. This condition can be combated by including leafy green vegetables and seafood in your diet.
- They have the potential to trigger a stroke.
Yes, that is possible. This isn’t a joke. After her partner sucked her neck forcefully, a woman in New Zealand suffered a stroke. It not only resulted in a stroke, but it also left her with a paralyzed arm!
- Oral herpes can also be caused by them.
If you have sexual contact with someone who has oral herpes and they give you a hickey in the heat of the moment, your chances of catching oral herpes are pretty high.
- They have the potential to cause significant sex injuries.
If you don’t take it easy on the nibbling, hickeys can result in serious sex injuries. It may appear that you’ve been subjected to forcible sex in which your body has been battered.
- The Kamasutra makes a special note of them.
Love bites are referred to in the Kama Sutra as the ‘coral and the jewel,’ with the lip representing the coral and the teeth representing the jewel.
- Having hickeys in your dreams could indicate that you’re dealing with a poisonous relationship.
According to psychological studies, dreaming about hickeys indicates a psychological problem, such as being tormented by a toxic relationship. It could also represent a conflict between your mind and your heart.
Are hickeys dangerous?
A variety of falsehoods and misleading cautions have been spread to discourage individuals from giving hickeys. Usually, this stems from embarrassment or a wish to stop doing something like that. Some individuals find hickeys amusing, while others find them offensive, rude, and even unpleasant.
Even though hickeys are completely harmless, myths of health problems caused by these love bites may be based on legitimate worries. Bruising and black blotches on your body, also known as erythema nodosum, can be a sign of a variety of illnesses, including:
- bacterial infection
- fungal infection
- inflammatory bowel disease
Even though these illnesses have symptoms similar to hickeys, hickeys only appear after a specific action. They’d have to emerge on their own, idiopathically, and with other signs and symptoms.
How to hide love bites?
A hickey can’t be gotten rid of quickly. There are certain things you may do to lessen irritation, redness, and discoloration, but most hickeys take a week or two to dissipate.
Some ways of accelerating healing include:
- For the first several days, use a cold compress.
- Following the third day, apply a warm compress
- Vitamins and topical ointments
Hickeys can be unsightly and even unsettling, but they are often harmless. They won’t give you cancer or any other terrible illness. Hickeys have been linked to blood clotting issues in the past, although these instances are extremely rare.
If you get a hickey and it makes you uncomfortable, talk to your spouse about how to avoid it happening again.
About the author
Charlotte is a health, beauty and wellness blogger and a mother of two, who lives between India and London
Physical Relationship: Is It Really Important For A Relationship To Work?
To begin, I’d want to state that sex does not have to be a component of every relationship. Waiting a set amount of time or until a certain life milestone (such as getting married) before having sex may be essential to you. “There are people who are asexual who are in relationships where sex in a relationship is mutually unimportant or undesired, and those relationships are just as valid, caring, and intimate as any others,” says Liz Powell, PsyD, an LGBTQ-friendly sex educator, coach, and professional psychologist.
What is a physical relationship?
However, for those who choose to include sex in their relationships, it is critical. Because you and your partner must “navigate, communicate, and compromise” when it comes to sex—both having it and talking about it, according to Shadeen Francis, sex, marriage, and family therapist. Are you aware of each other’s needs and desires? Do you have enough faith in your partner to be vulnerable with them? And to treat your body with deference?
Importance of physical relationship
Why sex is important in a relationship? The emotional benefits of touch include a strong sense of being accepted and cared for. Touch has physiological benefits as well. In one study, partners had lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, on days when they had more physical contact, such as hand-holding or embracing. (High cortisol levels have been linked to elevated heart rate and blood pressure.) The researchers believe that the good emotions evoked by physical touch contentment, relaxation, and alertness are directly linked to decreased cortisol levels.
Another study discovered that when persons engaged in more physically intimate behaviors over days, their symptoms of physical difficulties (back/muscle soreness, headache, insomnia, upset stomach, rash/skin irritation, and sickness/injury) decreased.
In a third study, regular and recurrent physical touch was connected to higher levels of oxytocin (a calming, happiness-promoting hormone), lower cortisol levels in both spouses, and lower blood pressure in husbands.
6 Reasons why the physical relationship is important
1. It offers you a rush of emotions
Does sex strengthen a relationship? Maybe it does! One of the main reasons individuals perform super-intense workouts is for the pleasant afterglow. And it turns out that the release of feel-good hormones gives you a comparable high after sex.
The following is how it works: Sex causes the brain to release dopamine, which boosts your motivation and happiness; testosterone, which boosts your work performance; and endorphins, which alleviate stress and discomfort. According to psychologist and relationship specialist Danielle Forshee, PsyD, “all of these hormones together play a complex role in human pair-bonding and are vital in preserving the glue of a relationship.”
2. Sex can help you relax and unwind
You’ve undoubtedly tried the tried-and-true de-stressing techniques like deep breathing, massages, hot baths, and even hotter yoga by now. But why not throw in some sex? According to Francis, “sex releases oxytocin into the bloodstream, which promotes relaxation and stress alleviation.” “Moreover, oxytocin fights cortisol, the key stress hormone,” Schewitz adds.
Experts have shown that sex has a similar power to alleviate tension by triggering the brain’s reward system to that of consuming enjoyable “comfort food.” An orgasm isn’t required to reap the advantages: After only 20 seconds of skin-to-skin contact, your body releases oxytocin, thus any kind of physical contact is advantageous.
3. It can help you feel more confident
While sex may not immediately raise your BDE levels to Rihanna levels, “it may be an enormously confidence-boosting, body-loving event for some people,” Francis explains. “Most of us are insecure in some way, whether it’s about our physical appearance or not. Being validated by someone we love and trust, on the other hand, can help us gain confidence.”
According to Courtney Cleman, CFA, co-founder of The V. Club, a wellness and education institution in New York City, that dopamine rush also helps increase your mojo. “The more dopamine we have, the better we feel and the better we feel about ourselves,” she explains.
4. You’ll both enjoy a better night’s sleep as a result of this
Sex helps sleep by releasing a hormone called prolactin after you orgasm, in addition to raising oxytocin and decreasing cortisol. This hormone can help you sleep longer and spend more time in the REM stage of the sleep cycle, which is when your brain and body are re-energized and your dreams happen.
A good night’s sleep is essential to living a healthy lifestyle, not least because it improves your mental health. Increased mental well-being also means decreased irritation, resulting in fewer confrontations with your partner.
5. The intimacy isn’t limited to the bedroom
“[Sex] produces a feedback cycle of intimacy,” adds Coleman. “You’ll have more closeness outside the bedroom if you have more intimacy in the bedroom, and vice versa.” This is supported by research. Sex predicts affection, and affection predicts sexual activity, according to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
“People who have physical touch as one of their core love languages would benefit from this loop,” Francis says, alluding to the concept established by Gary Chapman in his best-selling book. “If intimate contact is how we express and receive love from our partners,” she explains, “then sex is a gateway for how we communicate affection and love.”
6. The finest post-sex cuddling (but really)
For some people, being all snuggly-wiggly with your sweetie is not only one of the best parts of the relationship (it’s like a blanket burrito, but better), but it may also strengthen your bond. Kissing and cuddling after sex lead to a more satisfying and healthier relationship, according to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. (Oxytocin FTW once more.) But, of course, the sex has to come first to reap the post-sex perks.
Health benefits of physical relationship
- Maintains the health of your immune system.
- Increases your libido.
- Improves bladder control in women.
- Reduces blood pressure.
- Counts as a form of exercise.
- Reduces the risk of a heart attack.
- Pain is reduced.
- May reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
- Improves sleep quality.
- Stress is relieved.
Sexual intimacy in a romantic physical relationship
It is critical to share a wide range of feelings with a partner; otherwise, regardless matter how positive one’s sexual experiences may be, some people may feel lonely and alone.
‘Making love’ for many couples entails a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness. An intimate sexual relationship necessitates mutual trust and vulnerability. Other forms of intimacy, such as emotional and spiritual closeness, are linked to sexual intimacy. Intercourse is just one aspect of sexual intimacy, which also includes foreplay and other types of physical closeness.
Consider ways to express love and affection without using sex, and keep in mind that sex encompasses a wide range of physical touch. The more intimate a couple is with each other in ways other than sex, the more gratifying it is.
Is sexual compatibility important in a sexual relationship?
The problem is that there is no correct answer. It is for some people, and it isn’t for others. In long-term partnerships, the value of sexual compatibility in your relationship may shift with time, especially as you build more companionship with each other. Your sexuality, as well as your needs and desires, might change throughout time. A relationship has many other aspects outside sex, such as trust, communication, enjoyment, playfulness, collaboration, friendship, and so on. Sexual compatibility might fluctuate, but it’s more consistent when you’re also taking care of the other aspects of your relationship.
Is it wrong to have physical relationships before marriage?
Sex before marriage or sex without a relationship also called friends with benefits, should ideally be a decision made by two individuals who are clear about their goals in life. Even if your relationship does not lead to marriage, it is still crucial to understand why you desire physical closeness. If you do have sex, do it for the proper reasons: out of your own free will, not because your partner is pressuring you. It’s also a way to show your mutual admiration and respect for one another. However, please take responsibility for protecting your own body to avoid undesired pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases.
Some people, however, do require sex to maintain a good and happy relationship.
What matters is that you find a partner who is aware of your needs and desires, regardless of their nature. Every love and sexual relationship requires open communication.
About the author
Andrea loves to write about the relationship. She has been writing for more than a decade now. Solo traveller and love to surf