“Don’t get married. You are an “ALPHA” in the head!” – Advice that I received from one of my mentors. A casual statement that got me thinking – “What the heck does that mean?”
“I already had some problems sustaining or getting into relationships. Does being an “Alpha” have anything to do with that?”
I had often heard “ALPHA” relating to animals and mainly the leader of the pack. Someone who is too dominant and has achieved the status by challenging the others and fending for themselves. Only when you have proved your capabilities and power can others see your supremacy and choose to accept you as a leader.
So how does this apply to humans? What is the first thing that comes to your mind – when I say “ALPHA”? Most probably, a MALE who has achieved something or is an iconic figure in society. How many times have you conjured up an image of a female? Very few. Also, the image that you conjure up is probably a male who is brimming with confidence and has access to a lot of power and money. Also, uncanny oozing of testosterone, making them attractive to females. Females like bad men, don’t they?
On the other end, if we talk about the female alpha most of the time, she would be considered unapproachable, have many attitudes, and even consider egoistic.
Let’s now try and understand what I have understood and why this difference. Being an Indian, I can talk about this from an Indian perspective, though I am pretty much sure that most of it apply everywhere also.
In our society, we are trained from childhood to accept that the male members of the family are the bread-earners and they are KINGS for the house or if I have to say, the ALPHAs of the house. So what makes them ALPHAs is –
- They are allowed to do whatever they want.
- They are always supported, no matter right or wrong.
- Even things go wrong; they are not accused or held responsible.
- Their actions and choices are never questioned.
So, no matter what he does, he is the KING. What does this result? A lot of SELF-CONFIDENCE. So if I have to see the ALPHA MENTALITY is instilled in their minds unintentionally at a very early age. Hence it’s not even surprising when males dominate most of the top positions across the world. Males in our society grow up, believing that they are INVINCIBLE.
Now let’s look at the females on the other hand. Most of the time, the way females are brought up is precisely the opposite of males and add to that, the females have the primary task of giving birth and taking care of the child(ren). Females in India are brought up with the mentality that they are never to question a men’s authority or give it back to him, even in the form of a joke. Even right at a young age, females are trained never to question the fathers or the brothers or any male of the house. Whatever they tell you has to be followed till the “T,” without any retort.
We are taught that we will need to quit our jobs and take on household activities and bring up the children. We even see our mothers and not the fathers being blamed in case of any “inappropriate” behavior. It is considered a mother’s job to bring up the children to be well-mannered and presentable.
Right from the clothes we wear to the decisions we make, everything about a female’s choices is questioned. Even in rape, it is always the female who is blamed and treated as if she has committed a crime.
What does it tell us? Right from birth, the female is taught to be submissive—most of the time from the older females in the family and then by society. The outcome? Females LACK SELF-CONFIDENCE – the critical ingredient that is responsible for the ALPHA MENTALITY. And most of the time, you will often find females pulling other females down. Like they say,
When people can’t rise to your level, they will pull you down to theirs; so that they can win.
And this is what happens; you are always judged and criticized all the time. And the worst at times, even abandoned by your friends and family.
Humans are said to be social beings, and the fear of not being accepted by society stops us from reaching our maximum potentials. We want to be continuously liked by the people around us, which forces us to do what others, please. So the ALPHA FEMALE is now suppressed till that quality no longer exists in her. Instead, she has now succumbed to the way that society wants her to behave.
So do alpha females exist? YES. There are always exceptions to every case. Some families don’t consider females need to be brought up any less than males and are brought up in the same way as the other males in the family. Other than that, there are specific scenarios where a female faces a difficult situation and succeeds all by herself, and understands what SELF-CONFIDENCE is. When she repeatedly undergoes this process of taking on something and achieving success, her level of self-confidence changes, and the ALPHA MENTALITY starts to get taught.
SELF CONFIDENCE AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL = ALPHA
Once a female understands her worth, she becomes an ALPHA.
Simple? However, this is not where her battles end. Not all males can handle an ALPHA FEMALE. And often, you will find that ALPHA FEMALES have difficulties getting into or sustaining relationships. Once again, society begins to nag that you need to get MARRIED and SETTLED. So the alpha female is again made to submit and give in to the demands of society. There are very few females that manage to break out and STAY ALPHA.
Let’s end this by saying YES. I AM AN ALPHA FEMALE and a PROUD ONE. Was I an alpha from birth? No. I wasn’t. Like every other female, I was submissive and a complete people pleaser. I never knew that a word called “self-confidence” even existed.
How did I change? It sometimes takes a storm for us to realize our worth and a storm is what it took.
- I learned the meaning of self-confidence.
- I love trying new things, and learning is a way of life.
- Many small wins made me realize my capabilities.
- I took the onus for all my decisions.
- I learned and practiced self-worth.
In short, to say today when I sit across the table, I know what I bring to the table. I am proud of myself.
So, finally, if you connect with this and feel that you are an ALPHA too –
BE PROUD! STAY ALPHA!